Top 10 tasteless car modifications to make you cringe!

Bakkie balls, car bras and fuzzy dice; these are the 10 crimes against automotive good taste that will leave you cringing.

1. BAKKIE BALLS

As tasteless car mods go, this one is inexplicable … unless you’re a Blue Bulls fan. Basically a plastic or metal scrotum that dangles freely in the breeze from the back of your bakkie, these fake testes are so tasteless they’ve actually landed people in court in some US states. Aliases include trucksticles and bumper bollocks.

2. NEON LIGHTS

This Lambo in Tokyo looks awesome but nothing says, “pull me over, I’ve got a bag of skunk in the glovebox” more than a set of neon lights on a Hyundai Accent tearing through Voortrekker Road on a Saturday night. Illegal to use while driving, and on taste grounds as well.

3. MATT-BLACK WRAPS

Wraps are a fun, affordable way to re-colour your car, and matt-black paint was cool for about one nanosecond. But when you’ve spent R80 000 making your pristine BMW or Benz look like a roadworthy certificate failure hand-painted, you know you’ve made a tasteless car mod.

4. SHEEPSKIN SEAT COVERS

Okay, those do look super comfortable, and leather seats are freezing in winter and can rip the scorched skin from your legs in summer. But surely there’s something better than looking like a Kiwi farmer dragging a couple of dead ewes back from a field.

5. STANCED CARS

Look here, we’re all for the benefits of lowering your car and adding a bit of camber. But within reason. Not only does it improve handling and road holding, on a track-day car let’s say, but it sharpens up steering and keeps you super-connected to what’s happening beneath you. Stancing, on the other hand, the act of lowering your car to the point where it is simply unusable, that is one of the ultimate tasteless car mods.

TOP 10 TASTELESS CAR MODS

ALSO READ: Hyundai changes its pronunciation to THIS!

6. DONKS

Born from hip-hop culture in the southern US, this crime against unsprung weight requires monster-truck-like body lifts to accommodate rims that can be bigger than 30 inches. The cars are usually big body-on-frame Detroit whales, and known as Donk, Box or Bubble depending on the age and make. We just don’t get it.

7. AIRBRUSHING

Big in Europe, airbrushing manages the clever trick of leaving you deeply impressed with the level of craftsmanship involved, yet simultaneously abhorred as to why anyone would want to inflict such horror on their car. Fine on old Harleys, hot-rods and custom trucks; not fine on a BMW 5 Series. One of the worst crimes against automotive good taste.

8. CAR BRA

Another US phenomenon, these gimp masks protect against stone-chips for the sort of drivers who buy a new three-piece suite and leave the covers on so it won’t get spoiled. Even weirder, despite the invention of transparent 3M film that will do the same job invisibly, car bras are still popular, and have actually become a styling mod. But not for us.

9. CARSTACHE

Moustaches look terrible at the best of times, and they certainly don’t do your car any favours. Car-lift service, Lyft, used them quite cleverly to help people identify their ride. Unlike other tasteless car mods, however, at least the Carstache doesn’t take itself too seriously. If you must, best get a brightly coloured one.

10. TOW-HITCH STRIPPER POLE

We came across this from dance-pole experts, Platinum Stages. Supports up to 90kg, though spare a thought for the dancer who had to test that! And no, we don’t know what you’ll tell the insurance company when you fall off.

There you have it, inspired by Car Magazine, our top 10 crimes against automotive good taste.

Do you think we missed any? Let us know in the comments below.

If you enjoyed this list, also check out our Top 10: Best station wagons of all time.