Unleashing the power of excellence: A journey of identity and aspiration

For a long time, excelling was my shield against the challenges I faced as a gay man. As I’ve navigated different arenas in life and contended with various ideals around success , I have reclaimed excellence as a manifestation of my true self, and a way to make a meaningful contribution to the world.

STRIVING FOR EXCELLENCE IN THE FACE OF INEQUALITY 

In a world marked by inequality, the pursuit of excellence shines as a beacon of hope. For marginalised people, striving for excellence takes on a profound significance. As a gay man at the intersection of various minority groups, including being black and gender non-conforming, I understand the weight this carries and its impact on my life decisions. In this article, I trace the roots of my desire to excel and its connection to my identity as a gay man. My aim is to foster a healthier relationship with my aspirations, allowing them to be pure goals that I actively strive towards, rather than a means to escape the oppression tied to my complex identity.

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THE INTERSECTION OF IDENTITY AND ASPIRATION 

During my formative years, excelling became a defining characteristic by which I was identified. This was before I found the language to express my sexual orientation. I was known as the ‘smart boy’ or the ‘talented boy.’ This label became ingrained in my psyche, creating a default setting. Failing in any area felt like a betrayal of myself. As I transitioned to a racially diverse school and embraced my attraction to men, I faced a new reality. People started identifying me differently, but my exceptionalism still preceded any other aspect of my identity. I became known as ‘the smart, talented, gay boy.’ However, as puberty hit, my academic interests started to wane. People associated me less with my abilities and more with my sexual orientation. An incident at school made this shift painfully clear to me.

SHIFTING THE SIGNIFICANCE OF EXCEPTIONALISM 

I once got into trouble for damaging a classmate’s books, and my mother explicitly told me that she believed all the trouble I was getting into were the consequences of me being gay. She then advised me to focus on my academics and the aspects that made me who I am. This incident fundamentally changed my relationship with excellence. It was no longer the primary marker of my identity that I had strayed from during puberty and needed to reclaim. Instead, it became a way for me to justify my complex identity to myself and others. Since then, I have strived to excel in every aspect of my life. By achieving exceptional results, I sought to counter prejudice directed at my sexual orientation.

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EXCELLING AS A WAY FOR QUEER PEOPLE TO COUNTER TO PREJUDICE 

Immersed in queer culture, I discovered I was not alone in this pursuit. Many individuals couple their queer identity with a fervent desire to be remarkable and to embody queer excellence. I believe that very often, exceptionalism provides queer people with confidence to counter any maligning. That said, excelling does not shield one from feelings of inadequacy or protect against societal ill-treatment. However, many of us from marginalised groups utilize our favourable qualities to attain whatever power we can.

HARNESSING EXCEPTIONALISM TO INSPIRE CHANGE 

In a time of constant attacks against minorities, knowledge, positive action, and reflection become powerful tools to dismantle internalised oppression. They serve as our resistance and contribution. Each of us possesses inherent value and plays an integral role in shaping our collective reality. Reflecting on my journey, from the boy who damaged another’s books to who I am today, I realise that my pursuit of excellence remains entwined with my gay identity. However, I am committed to cultivating a healthier perspective, where excellence is a manifestation of my authentic self, independent of societal expectations. In this evolution lies the potential for genuine growth, liberated from the need to prove my worth and driven by a sincere desire to make a meaningful impact on the world.

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This article was originally published by Niza Jay.