30 Ways A Foreigner Knows They’re Almost A Local In South Africa

I moved to South Africa from Canada in September 2016. When I first got here, everything was strange, confusing, and wonderful. Now that I’ve been here almost a year, well, nothing has changed. But I think I’ve been adapting.

One of my favourite bloggers, Joburg Expat, compiled of list of signs that indicate you’re no longer new to South Africa here. It’s a great post, and I thought I’d add some more ways you can tell you’re ALMOST a local:

1) You no longer scream like a little girl when you see a mole cricket or a Parktown prawn (but it’s still ok to send your kids to dispatch them).

2) You don’t wait around like a dumb idiot when somebody says they’ll help you “just now” because you now know it will be nowhere close to now.

3) You don’t giggle anymore every time someone says the word “hooter”.

4) You’re no longer surprised when the power goes out, and you know exactly where you’ve stored all your candles and flashlights (if you’ve even had a chance to put them away after the last power outage).

5) You don’t get frustrated when the ATM doesn’t work. In fact, you’re pleasantly surprised when it DOES.

6) The butcher knows you by name.

7) Even though you brought your propane BBQ from home, you haven’t used it in months because you know a proper braai uses charcoal, or better yet, sekelbos.

8) You begrudgingly let taxis cut in front of you but find yourself threatening to klap the driver under your breath.

9) You regularly go to the bank to get coins so you have tips handy.

10) You recognize that whenever somebody in customer service (or customer disservice in the case of anything government related) says eish, you’re about to enter a whole new dimension of frustration.

11) You get used to votes of non-confidence in government.

12) You get used to those votes of non-confidence failing, even though EVERYBODY knows the president is a crook.

13) You just accept the fact that your calls will drop, especially if you use Vodacom.

14) You find yourself accidentally enjoying cricket.

15) You’ve given up on finding normal freaking nachos.

16) You’ve accepted the fact that a permanent sign warning drivers of potholes is a perfectly legitimate alternative to simply fixing the potholes.

17) Same with signs warning drivers of smash and grabs and hijackings.

18) You no longer find it unusual when Christmas cards from overseas appear in your mailbox in April. In fact, you’re more surprised they made it at all.

19) You’ve realized that what South Africans call a strike is actually a riot, and the area is best avoided.

20) You don’t even stop to look at impala on game drives anymore because you want to get to the real animals.

21) You’ve accepted the fact that your domestic helper will fold your underwear. And you kind of like it now.

22) You start planning your kids’ birthday parties months in advance because you know birthdays are competitions of excess in South Africa. 

23) You’ve eaten zebra. And liked it.

24) You’re totally OK with your kids running around barefoot. Everywhere.

25) Reports of pastors spraying their congregation with insecticide, claiming to talk to God on the phone, or boasting of going down to hell and killing Satan no longer surprise you.

26) You call trucks bakkies now and don’t even feel weird saying it anymore.

27) You can walk by a “Cum Books” shop without bursting out laughing.

28) You’re used to people standing so close to you in a queue that it’s borderline erotic, and you have no problem saying, “Listen boet, as pretty as I find you, please either back up or take me out for dinner.”

29) You don’t feel weird anymore when you see people peeing on the side of the road.

30) When you’re sitting in your back garden enjoying a drink in the sunshine and listening to birds sing while the kids play in the pool, and you feel like you’re truly home.

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PHIL MALONEY moved with his wife and two young children from Vancouver, Canada, to Pretoria in September 2016, on a work contract. He started his blog as a way to update his friends so he wouldn’t have to keep answering the same questions, and to help him “make sense of my new surroundings as an expat who has no idea what he’s doing”. Check out www.MapleAndMarula.com for more of Phil’s brilliant observations as he falls in love with South Africa! This post is republished here with Phil’s kind permission.

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