HUMOUR: Your Slips Are Showing! South African Waiters Describe Customers

No self-respecting Twitter follower could have failed to notice the recent upheaval over a Cape Town waiter’s order slip, which contained a description of a pair of customers as “2 blacks”.

Before tweeters could chirp themselves into a frenzy, the Premier of the Western Cape, Helen Zille – an ardent tweeterbox – entered the fray with the following tweet: “Why is it ok to racially classify people for jobs, but not to identify people at a table by their race?”

Like a Mexican wave, the tweets for and against her comment poured in with accusations that the politician had turned it into a race discussion. Of course the trending subject became a talking point across the media.

One of the “2 blacks” in question had tweeted a photo of the offending slip and accused The Bungalow restaurant in Clifton of racism. Even the fact that the waiter who “caused all the trouble”, Mike Dzange, is also black didn’t save the day and he was suspended.

Mike now says he regrets the controversial incident. Of course he does. He’s a foreign national who has worked at The Bungalow for eight years. If I was giving him a word of advice, I would suggest he take his employers to the CCMA (or doesn’t he qualify as a foreigner?).

That would have been the end of the story for me were it not for a dinner excursion last night to 7th Street, round the corner from where we live in Melville.

We chose Poppys, where – dare I say it? – a largely black clientele hangs out. I mention this because of what followed.

When we were done, I called for the bill and noticed for the first time an entry reading ‘customer’s name’ but my eye was drawn to the typed reference: “Old Cpl”. Now White Cpl or 2 Umlungus might have passed without comment, but OLD COUPLE?

Nonetheless, I was chilled after a lovely holiday and my cordial mood overrode the indignity of categorisation. I summoned Marvin, our waiter – not quite a teenager, since we’re on the subject. “Marvin,” I said after a mild ticking off for ageism, “please bring the card machine as we’re in a hurry – they lock the doors of our old age home in 20 minutes.”

I swear he blushed as he stumbled over unfinished sentences … “it doesn’t mean”… “sorry”… He calmed down when he saw a tip had not been withheld.

Meanwhile, a hop and a skip away from where we sat, at a nearby bar media bad boy Deon Maas simultaneously posted his bar receipt on Instagram, which identified his party as “two ladies and a dog”.

I have a feeling customers all over the country are checking their receipts more carefully now. And waiters are bound to come up with inventive names for unsuspecting diners. And providing there’s humour, where’s the harm?

***

I was anxious to get home as I felt a tweet coming upon me. At last, I was satisfied with my 140 characters and I tweeted:

“So after the great hoo-hah about the waiter who referred his customers as bl..k, I hv an axe 2 grind about ageism. We aren’t o_d, Marvin! ”

Something was missing. Then I had an aha moment and the punch-line tweet followed:

“Old is the new black.”

Visit Suzanne Brenner’s website www.ProWrite.co.za for more articles from the renowned South African writer and editor.