Gauteng musician: I have applied to be CEO of Eskom. Here is my cover letter…

Dawid Kahts, a musician based in Pretoria, South Africa, has written a hilarious job application letter to Eskom that has gone viral on social media. With relentless loadshedding, coffee being laced with cyanide, alleged high-level corruption at the power utility, and the resignation / ousting of former CEO André de Ruyter, Dawid told SAPeople he’s happy to help “get people laughing during these frustrating times”…

Musician’s application for position of Eskom CEO
By Dawid Kahts, Pretoria

Dear Eskom
I would like to apply for your advertised position of CEO of Eskom.
After almost 30 years of playing Electric Guitar I have gained extensive experience on electricity. I know all about volts, watts and amps. I have a specific professional interest in amps. Valve amps, Transistor amps, Solid State amps, Marshall Stacks, etc. You name it, I know it!
I also have a good knowledge on the concept of AC/DC. (You basically use 3 chords, write songs about bad girls and the devil and perform them in your High School uniform.)
My years as a musician has taught me all about being a team player. People who claim that there is no “I” in Team have obviously never played in a band before. There are more “I’s” in a band than there are Iphones in Sandton mall.
If this position is an employment equity position – don’t worry, I have got that covered. Although I am technically White, I identify as Black. During an Acid trip in the 90’s at my best friend’s house, the patterns in the wallpaper revealed to me that I am Jimi Hendrix’s reincarnation.
Apart from my skills as an Electric guitarist, I also did a stint as a Rapper. I am well versed in the culture and vernacular of Gangster Rap and this will come in handy when I deal with the gangs that run Eskom, yo!
I have also played in an Industrial Metal band and I can literally hear if an industrial machine is functioning properly or whether it is out-of-tune. (By the way, healthy Power Plants will always hum in the key of an E pentatonic minor.)
As far as my corporate experience goes: I have watched all 9 seasons of “The Office” numerous times. This experience has given me the ability of viewing the office environment with an out-of-the-box approach. Quite literally.
I also know some cool words and phrases that I can throw around in meetings to sound important. Some of them include “Supply Chain”, “Top-down approach”, “SOP’s”, “The way forward”, “Silos”, “KPA’s”, “Quality at source” and shit like that.
My extensive experience in the music business has given me a tolerance to many drugs and harmful substances. This includes cyanide.
My sincere apologies for any grammar or speling mistakes in this cover letter. I also apologize for my extensive use of the word extensive. It’s just that I am in a fucking rush to submit my application as load-shedding starts in 10 minutes.

By Dawid Kahts

Republished on SAPeople with Dawid’s kind permission.
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