Eight Google AI answers that’ll have you in stitches

Google AI officially rolled out in May 2024, with an aim towards making searching easier by summarising information from around the web related to the user’s search query. However, the software has encountered quite a few hiccups while being tested by users, giving some surprisingly funny and absurd answers.

Matthew Woodward from Search Logistics, an SEO agency specialising in tailored strategies, reveals some of the most hilarious Google AI answers that he’s found.

Cooking with gas (literally)

According to Google AI, while you can’t use gas to cook your pasta faster, you can use it to make a ‘spicy’ spaghetti dish. Just sauté the garlic and onion in the gasoline, says Google, and you’ll be well on your way to a beautiful home-cooked spaghetti bolognese. 

“Unfortunately, the only thing spicy about this dish is how fast you’d have to be rushed to the emergency room if you ever tried it,” says Matthew.

Sharks are older than the moon?

Sharks are significantly older than the moon, Google AI tells us. Proving that it struggles with basic maths, Google confidently states that sharks, which have been around for about 450 million years, are older than the moon, which is approximately 4.5 billion years old. 

“It seems Google AI needs to go back to class,” Matthew jokes.

How many cigarettes should I smoke while pregnant?

According to doctors, the answer to this question is “none.” According to Google AI, it’s “2-3 cigarettes per day.” If you ever needed proof that you shouldn’t trust the internet for health advice, this is it!

A relaxing bath… with a toaster

Adding a nice toaster to the water along with your bath bomb is the perfect way to unwind and wash away stress, according to Google. Aside from the lethal electric shock that would most likely kill you, that is. 

Parrots working 9 to 5

Parrots are the backbone of the workforce, it seems. Google claims parrots can take on jobs such as woodworkers, architects, cooks, toy makers, housekeepers, behavioural analysts, and engineers. 

“Call me crazy, but I don’t particularly want to spend much time in a building engineered by a parrot,” says Matthew. 

How many insects are in Tropicana orange juice?

Tropicana orange juice has about two insects per every cup. Or so Google tells us. Even more worrying, this is apparently more than other brands of orange juice sold in the US. Just how many bugs are in our orange juice?! 

“The answer is, of course, none,” Matthew reassures. “As a Tropicana drinker myself, I’ve never found a bug!”

Eating boogers has health benefits, apparently

Again proving that you can’t trust health advice on the internet, Google tells us that picking your nose and eating the mucus may help prevent cavities, stomach ulcers, and infections while also potentially boosting your immune system. 

“I don’t think I need to tell you this is bogus,” says Matthew. 

The next big thing: Cats playing basketball

When asked if a cat could play in the NBA, Google claims cats break many rules and play unsound basketball. Apparently, examples of this feline rule-breaking in the sport include multiple uniform infractions, licking the stanchion, and, most hilariously, being in the net with their entire body. 

“You know what, I think this one is true,” Matthew jokes, “Cats would definitely cheat at basketball if they could.”